i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
