Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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