Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize