i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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