Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
