I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
