New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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