So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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