This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
