He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
