I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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