I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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