My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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