I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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