I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
