I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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