I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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