On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
