promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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