Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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