I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
