so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
