One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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