He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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