you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
