I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
