I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize