At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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