I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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