i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
