made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
