I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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