the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
