At least make sure they are 18
Why
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
