I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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