Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
