So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
