hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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