Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
