but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
