Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
