I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
