xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
