I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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