this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
