you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
