he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
