Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
