What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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