her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
