Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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