They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You took a bar mat shot.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
