I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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