The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
