the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
