do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
