Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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