I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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