I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
