I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
