We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
