So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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