He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
