great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i would punch a child for taco bell
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
