What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
