I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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