i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
