I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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