the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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