wakey wakey hands off snakey
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
