I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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