We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
