But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
