After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
