One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
