Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
