who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
