...so i touched it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
