I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
