Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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