Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've blown a few things in my day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
