I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
