I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
50% drunk capacity currently
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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