just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
