I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
