He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He has the fingertips of a God
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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