Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
