Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
now i know why i became what i already was.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
