seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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