I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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