I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
