During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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