Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
