I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
