I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
