Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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