3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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