Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
