So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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