based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
