you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
True strength comes from lack of pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
