So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
