I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize